Personal lockdown lessons
As lockdown is relaxed in the UK psychologist Simon Proudlock makes a personal inventory and suggests that we all should do the same.
As lockdown measures ease organisations are taking stock of what they have learnt from the last 12 weeks, to see if there is anything they can take forward to make them more efficient.
We need to do the same on a personal level.
Community and personal wellbeing
We have a new appreciation of each other, of our local community and of our keyworkers. This isn’t just frontline NHS staff but everyone who continues to work as their roles are vital to the country.
We have a greater sense of community and have learnt to live more locally - the corner shop, local walks and our neighbours have increased our sense of wellbeing.
The pressure of life has changed. There are no after work drinks with friends, no weekend visits to friends and family, no after school clubs or kids’ activities and the ‘I should really go to the gym’ voice has stopped. We’ve hit pause on the always on culture.
We’ve had more time to connect with others and make video calls to friends we’ve not seen for ages. We can have Zoom drinks with friends in our pyjamas and not worry about how we’re going to get home.
Our homes have turned into a barber shops, hairdressers, bakeries, and cocktail bars. We’ve discovered that a homemade coffee can be every bit as good as an overpriced latté. We’ve learnt to cook and bake again. We’ve learnt to be more self-sufficient and, in the process, saved ourselves money.
Many have discovered a limitless well of resilience. An ability to recover readily from adversity, drawing on a seemingly never-ending supply of positive emotions. They didn’t realise they had such strength but a lifetime of proactively nurturing their positive emotions has had huge implications on managing stress, boredom and constant change.
Permission to stop
Lockdown has given us the permission that we don’t have to do stuff, reducing the power of the ‘should’. It has reduced social pressure. There has been no pressure to go out, to do something with our time away from work. Our own expectations of ourselves in relation to others is reduced – we can just be us.
And in an only British way, we’ve discovered that people actually thank us for avoiding them on the street!
But with some positives come the negatives. We’ve learnt that fear can be a destructive force in our lives. And how reacting to that fear can bring out the worst in people.
Fear of the unknown led to an overreaction of panic buying. The fear of catching a virus with no known cure consumed us, together with need to protect ourselves and the people that matter most to us.
Fear induces that fight or flight response, moving rational non-emotive thought temporarily offline. For some the threat response lingers, influencing our thoughts and behaviour, causing us to react out of character.
Some have learnt that over consumption of information not only on more traditional news sources but also social media has been unhealthy. The off button for some has been a way of taking back some control in a world where every day we seemed to have less control.
Loss of work life separation
But it seems the grass isn’t always greener in terms of working from home – yes, we can be more productive and don’t have to battle with the morning commute, but we may miss the daily interaction with colleagues, a change of scenery, physically moving and leaving the house and the much needed buffer between work and home that the commute lends itself to.
Video calls soon lost their appeal – drinks with friends on Zoom are not the same. We miss our local. We miss people. Handshakes, hugs, holding, the human touch. The real time interaction that even superfast fibre broadband will never be able to achieve.
But all this will most certainly return. Despite the marvels of technology, listening to your favourite piece of music on your overpriced sound system will never compare to seeing it performed live.
A couple of weeks ago my nine-year-old son was asking me about my job and why seeing people online is different to seeing them in person. It was a good question, and not an easy one to answer.
Yes, the content of what is spoken about is potentially the same, but not being in the room with someone we miss the intricacies of human communication, we miss the emotion, we miss what isn’t being said.
But for some the lockdown measures are far from over.
Lockdown inequality
Take a moment to think about those who are still shielding and have essentially been cut off from society for over 12 weeks. The families who have been unable to see their loved ones trapped in care homes; more so for those with a family member with an intellectual disability who simply don’t understand social distancing, making meeting in the garden unrealistic.
We’ve taken for granted what’s right in front of us. Instead of searching for the next best thing we need to stand still and really take in what we have.
The coronavirus has allowed us to take stock. It’s given us the time (maybe too much time) to really see what’s important to us. And maybe for some what we’ve been striving for has been right in front of us all along.
Many of us have been craving for things to return to normal. I can’t see that happening anytime soon. As the restrictions ease, life will return to some sort of normality, but this pandemic will change how we live life permanently, some changes for the better and some not so good. Instead of fighting the change, welcome it.
Do your own stock check of what’s been working and what hasn’t. Do more of what’s been working.
Simon Proudlock is a Consultant Psychologist working for the NHS and in independent practice. He’s the author of The Solution Focused Way: Incorporating Solution Focused Therapy Tools and Techniques Into Your Everyday Work. For more information about his work follow visit Counselling Psychology Solutions.
